Audiogrammes

Radio Liban 96.2FM

Christmas sucks

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Oh, give me a noose I can hang from the tree
I need no excuse to end my misery
this holiday season is all the more reason to die.






Oh, pull up a stool and an ear to a fool
once found some solace in the season of yule
this holiday season is all the more reason to cry.

I put on my mittens, one green and one red
and I walk alone where they bury the dead
the snow falls as I breath its a death rock
christmas eve.

The bottle is empty,
the sleigh has a flat,
the striper in my bed is ugly and fat,
her tassles are tangled and what’s worse – my jingle won’t jangle.

This time of the year makes me sick to my guts
all this good cheer is a pain in the nuts
when it’s your career to be down in the dumps
tidings of comfort and joy really suck.

I feel like St. Nicolas is pulling my leg
this thing we call christmas is a sorry black plague
this holiday season is….
… all the more reason to die

This song is actually by a band called Porn Orchard, who impersonate Tom Waits and Peter Murphy (Bauhaus). It’s called “This Holiday Season” but has been circulating under the name “Christmas sucks”. For more info click here. You can try to find the original album on Amazon or you can just download a lo-res version here.


However Tom Waits did sing the most famous Christmas tune as advertised on this German compilation





But it doesn’t really convey the mood I’m in. I think Monty Python‘s Eric Idle put it best in the following song.





Fuck Christmas!
It’s a waste of fucking time
Fuck Santa
He’s just out to get your dime,
Fuck Holly and Fuck Ivy
And fuck all that mistletoe
White-bearded big fat bastards
Ringing bells where e’er you go
And bloated men in shopping malls
All going Ho-Ho-Ho
It’s fucking Christmas time again!

Fuck Christmas
It’s a fucking Disney show
Fuck reindeer
And all that fucking snow
Fuck carols
And fuck Rudolph
And his stupid fucking nose
And fucking sleigh bells tinkling
Everywhere you fucking goes
Fuck stockings and fuck shopping
It just drives us all insane.
Go tell the elves
To fuck themselves
It’s Christmas time again!



Yes I’m a mean Grinch, grouch, whatever you want to call me.
Can’t stand the potlatch, the traffic, the “festive” mood and the extra weight you gain during the holiday season… The next ten days will really be the Nightmare Before Christmas!

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Written by audiogrammes

December 15, 2011 at 02:08

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